You have every right to just stop thininking, worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling , numbling, rambling grambli ng, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hiting, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose-sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long waiting, small-stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself. Stop, and just do.
Don't worry about cool. Make your own uncool. Make your own. Make your own world. If you fear, make it work for you. Draw and paint your fear and anxiety, and stop worrying about big, deep things such as 'to decide on a purpose and way of life', 'a consistant approach to even some impossible end' or 'even an imagined end'.
You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty.
Then you will be able to do. It would be better if you had the conficence just to do the stuff and not even think about it. After you do something, it is done and that's that. You're not responsible for the world. You are only responsible for your work, so just do it.
Don't think that your work has to conform to any preconceived form, idea, or flavor. It can be anything you want it to be. You also must know that you don't have to justify your work. Not even to yourself. You also must believe in your ability. I think you do. So try the most outrageous things you can shock yourself. You have at your power the ability to do anything.
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